Too Clever By Half

The beauty of online poker tournaments is you can run them in the background while you do all sorts of constructive gear - i must admit though there is usually some sort of green baize ceiling i struggle to break through in poker. But I am still in the running for the free seat in the Aruba semi final entry. Sounds exotic, hey ?

I'm laughing at NZO1212 who went on tilt and dropped about 25K in play money after smiling when i pulled trip fours on the flop ! Hours of laughs this poker biz ...

And then NZO just went out ! Ooooh, i smiled right back at him !

Anyhow, you must all be rivetted by this poker talk - look out for me on Ultimatebet.com. I'm called Peteplus, i'll usually be playing tighter than a gnat's chuff but i'm really workin' on trying to change gears.

Right, but what this is all about is the fun and games that was the city chase last weekend ..

To start with check out their website,

City Chase

.

and the picture of Elly and I, debut city chase contestants, above. They decked us out in so much quality merchandise we felt like glorified billboards. Quite stylish and dashing billboards, but still billboards.

The City Chase is like a combination treaure hunt and orienteering with a hint of spice. I'm gunna try and load the clue sheet so you get a feel for what the deal is . Here goes ? Good luck blog !! I expect it will be in miniscule font but if you click it will open up sesame style. In fact, it is less than miniscule but it is there. Double click and it will open up.



Anyhow, the scene commences at some ungodly hour on a Saturday morning - i think we got up at about 7 am. Which in human years is about 2 in the morning. In the spirit of the day, I had meticulously plannned our route to Luna Park, where it would all begin, so we mainlined some coffee straight into our veins, said good bye to the cats, and walked around the corner to get the 7.51 470 bus to Town Hall station ( Arr : 8.01 ) to then catch the 8.07 to Milsons Point ( Arr : 8.13 ) and walk down to Luna Park - after getting another coffee. This German level of efficiency was encouraging.

We, and about 600 other people, went to enroll which was very smooth. By about 9 am the place was full of very enthusiastic people all in white t-shirts and with brand new backpacks on. If we hadnt known better, we wouldve thought we looked like new cult members or scientologists getting ready for a day of personality testing and bushwalking.

The introduction to it all was a little Anthony Robbbins meets Boot Camp. We had to vigourously stretch, shout, stretch shout and then run to the entrance to grab our clue sheet. Which reminded me of old pictures of the stockmarket floor - people grasping for pieces of paper held in the air by people in coloured bibs. I think i saw that on a news bulletin in the 80's.

We had engaged the inimitable Ryan Vega as our self-styled "Guy in the van," during the week. Cos you need to have someone near a computer to give you addresses and break some of the gently cryptic clues they give you. So, we looked over at our clue sheets, started furiously texting Ryan and headed for the train station again.

Our plan, we decided, would be to do a collection of stations ( that's the handle for the various points/locations/tasks you have to get to or do ) around the Rocks , head out to Bondi Junction, and then get back to finish with a few stations around North Sydney. Easy, if some distance. To cheat a little and skip to the end of the book, we took just under 4 and a half hours to do 10 out of the 15 stations. You only had to do 10. We ran quite a bit, took the train out to Bondi Junction and back, and ran a bit more - but the winners, the winners, who we suspect ran it all !!! did it in just under 3 hours !! Crazy. They were like whippets, had a GPS and a "team" of people near computers. I also suspect they were visitors to our planet from the future.

So, we headed to the Museum of Contemporary Art for our first station. How quaint we thought, all we have to do is make this balloon animal. Dude, this is easy ! Elly proudly shows of her doggy below.



Then they told us we had to sell it to a passerby for $20 and explain the $20 would go to charity. This seemed very unlikely especially with about 20 people running around with inflatable little animals doing the same thing. "Elly, Elly you've got to do this one," i said, kinda desperately, thinking our best shot was Elly's feminine wiles being focussed on some powerless male of the species walking by. He wouldnt know what hit him. I think it was the first single male she propositioned - a few family groups or couples didnt buy it - a German tourist with a cigar in his hand. With sparkling eyes, El said, " would you like to buy this balloon for $20, and the money goes to the Childrens Hospital ?"

" I vill give you zee $20 but I do not varnt zee balloon," he said, without barely breaking stride but reaching for his wallet. Such German efficiency ! He gave El the $20. "But you've got to take the balloon. They wont believe us if we bring it back. You've got to take it. Give it to someone else," El said thrusting the balloon at him. " Pop it yourself," I said, trying to be helpful. " Use your cigar." I don't know if i said that bit but in hindsight should have. Eventually he took it.

Good start we thought. Good start.

Next up we had to run up to the Glenmore Hotel in The Rocks. And compose a limerick. I have always fancied myself as limerickistisist. So scrambled something together that revolved around rhyming arse, beer and chair together in some combination. And off we ran down to the next stop at the Four Seasons Hotel near Circular Quay. It would get a a little weird there.

At the Four Seasons, El and I were tied together, with both our hands bound behind our backs, with these thin pieces of rubber. And then we were told we had to get all the way to Pitt Street Mall for the next station with our hands tied all the way ! Ahhh !!! You have not lived if you have never ran down George Street on a Saturday morning with your hands tied together with pieces of rubber. Never lived. The looks on the faces of the pedestrians were worth the price of admission alone.

We made it. Eventually.

When we got there we had to turn right around and head back to Jacksons on George.
Pole dancing was the go there. Nice. This was getting better all the time.

A woman was dishing out pole dance instructions - she appeared to be quite the professional - and sliding around the poles like they were made of slippery dip metal with a tasty sweat coating.

I graciously let El work it. I had to apply her make-up. Elly, if your vet career does not work out, it's good to know you've got something to fall back on !

Onward to the next station. The minus 5 bar. Here we had to throw dice. Four of them. " 19 ! That's got to be good," we said as our four dice totalled to 19. " That's not real good, " said the chick station volunteer with a smile. " Just go through there and remember to shut the door." That sounded ominous. No worries.

The minus 5 bar is a bar at Circular Quay - where the temperature , surprise, surprise, is kept at minus 5. Usually they give you polar fleeces and you go in for half an hour and have an icy vodka creation. We went in with our t-shirts and they announced to us, You have to eat as many ice cubes as the total of those 4 dice you rolled." And they kept saying it. El and I looked at each other. " 19 ! Damn ! " and started crunching them up in our mouths. I did 11 , El 8 !!

Here is a pic of Eloise who was chatting happily away with this guy after finishing her 8 !



Then we hoppped on to the train to Bondi Junction. Bondi Junction was two stations full. One was a mini treasure hunt. We had to collect a condom, 5 cigarette butts ( Skanky ! ), a carrot, yesterday's newspaper, a lipstick kiss on the cheek, so many things .... find someone with braces. Braces are very rare in the Eastern suburbs. Or hard to see cos everyone can afford those transparent ones. We luckily had brought a carrot from home and didnt need to rely on the braces. Or finding someone with a tattoo below the hips. Although that may have been fun. If not quite legal.

We were officially warned not to run in the Westfield. And also got to sit down at Easts leagues club for two paltry hands of poker. Not even real hands. But i drew a jack with an ace - the flop came Jxx and I was up out of my chair " Good kicker, good kicker ! " and we were away.

Back to North Sydney. We ran from North Sydney train station up to North Sydney oval - which i had never ever seen. Very picturesque. Like a mini Adelaide Oval.

Two stations were around the oval. One - El had to hem up a pair of trousers with a blindfold on. Too easy. She flew through it like a blind Indian seamstress and didn't once ask for " One dollar, one dollar only !" I got to watch a number of guys, who clearly had never held a needle and thread, treat their fingers like little vooddo dolls, sticking the needles into their fingers in between every second or third thread. most amusing.

Our second last station was at the North Sydney PCYC. 200 punches each we had to give a guy with padded gloves. " Whose your daddy, " I shouted at Eloise as she belted the guys hands while the Rocky theme pulsed around the gym. Then they made us do 25 push ups and sit ups. Bugggered !

Then we ran back to Kirribilli. By now quite um, shafted. Eloise had been saying for the duration, " i really want to eat something gross. " this was her shot at it.

We arrived there and were given a choice. Do a Sudoku puzzle or eat two worms. " Only two ?" we said. We've never done Sudoku so even if we hadnt wanted to eat the worms what choice was there ...Anyhow, we were stuck in the worm queue behind these two delicate chicks who were picking through the dirt with forks looking for their worms !! Gees, this could take all day so we politely stepped in front and El started scooping through the dirt with her hands eventually picking up a small village of worms who had been hiding right down the bottom of the dirt. Crafty devils ! We gulped them down with a water chaser and just before we headed back to Luna Park I said to nobody in particular," Do you do takeaway here ! " Boom ! Boom !

We ran back to the finish line and held our hands entwined and aloft as we crossed the line together - triumphantly in 113th spot.

The rest, as they say, is the rest. We were gifted free food and drink,and even managed to both win a free pair of Reeboks as a lucky door prize sort of thing. "How good is this City Chase thing," we thought. It was like the Oscars as we had to wind our way through the crowd and up on to the stage, me with beer and El with wine glass in hand !, we is so classy.

While thanking Ryan on the phone, a slide show of various pictures from the Chase came up on the big screen including one of Elly clearly having a blast while consuming what must've been about ice cube number 6 at the Minus 5 bar. Between this and our walk on stage role as Reebok winners, it was no surpriuse when Elly was bailed up in the bathroom by a fellow Chaser who said, " Hey, didn't you win something ? Arent you some sort of City Chase celebrity ? " well, the first line was said at least.

This City Chase thing rocks. Now with instant celebrity and free shoes. See you next year !

PS Bring a bug in a jar. It'll make sense on the day.