Too Clever By Half

Wilson "Ironbar" Tuckey is the surprise leader in the poll. Pre-poll favourite, Phillip Ruddock, follows closely in second with "hard" man, Tony Abbot in third. From the comfort of a beanbag and with an ice pack handy, Tuckey said he was not surprised he was leading. He had in fact written numerous letters to voters, within and without his electorate, seeking their support in the poll. When asked about his future after the reshuffle he said he was reconsidering his role in politics and had fielded offers from several lubricant companys.

Ruddock, from a grassy knoll near the high court, said he was busy squaring his crosshairs and ,while pleased with his performance, had expected the Lebanese Christian vote might have seen him perform better.

A poorly polling Mrs Howard said she believed her performance would improve when the postal votes from the ladies at the Kirribili Bowls and Bridge Club were counted. " Many of the ladies were busy making cucumber sandwiches for the Double Bay Auxilliary on polling day so i expect the counting of their postal votes will see Wilson's lead shorten." An unnamed source did, however, reveal that significant numbers of Mrs Howard's knitting circle were a "little poorly" after Melanie's wedding and this may effect her levels of support.